with your own penis?
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
two words...techno handjob
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
