Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My life is pants optional.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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