I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
