Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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