u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice