Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me