I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
