i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
