Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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