He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
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Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
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He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.