i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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