Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.