I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.