Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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