I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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