The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
