Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
its liver damage thursday
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
