It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
