Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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