Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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