By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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