After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize