You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
