He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
