I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
