I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
