your thong is hanging out like whoa
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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