i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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