Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
