it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
