the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
