He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
