We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
