Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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