I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
