You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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