am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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