Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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