You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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