whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
