and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The adults are the big ones right?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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