my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
third nipple confirmed
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
