She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
