They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
