Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
