I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
