i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
