I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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