i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
