So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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