I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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