Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
