K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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