I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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