My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
