Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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