So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
