Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
