don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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