his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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