jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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