Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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