I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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