are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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